Sgt. Shiltz Era has Begun: I Throw NOTHING. I Run NOTHING. I WIN…NO-THING!!!

Welcome to the zombie-friendly Sergeant Shiltz era. Good thing we got rid of Bridge, Cato and Adams Junior. They were never going to be compatible with the offense Calvillo ran as quarterback. And since our zombie-coach has no positive formation and experience in his present position (what is he, 6-25 as an offensive-coordinator? I’m too outraged to check), it’s the only offense the Alouettes will ever run again.

I guess Willy wasn’t it. Once again, it’s definitely time to “free” (release) Willy. When it comes to Willy: “it’s nice out. I think I’ll keep it out” is the phrase that seems most appropriate. My gay friends always have the best football advice.

So 3 cheers for the zombie offense. Hip, hip, huzzah!

Eventually we had to start developing a pocket passer. Either that, or Calvillo has to leave. And you know that’s never going to happen. Have you seen the cost of living on Nun’s Island?

Watching Bridge lead the Green Riders over the Stampeders was bad enough. Watching Adams run for a TD was the turd on top of the Birthday Cack. So let’s all give thanks for Calvillo, Reed and owner Wettenhal, without whom none of this would’ve been possible.

Fuck you guys!!
Fuck you very much.

ALSO

I’d like to get this on the record. Something I’ve been kicking around. I’ve been telling people I’m going to write a book about the Alouettes, assuming the inevitable happens and they do go down for the count, a 3rd and final time. The working title is:

Adrian McPherson: the Best Quarterback that Never Was
The story of how Anthony Calvillo destroyed the Montreal Alouettes.

Well. I did say it’s a working title. If I write the book, it’ll mean traveling down to Florida. I’ll meet with McPherson and interview him about his trials in Montreal. Then I’ll sit in a cafe in Miami, call Cato at home, and invite him to an interview. I’m sure I’d be safe in Liberty City if everyone knew I was going to write about how Cato was screwed by Calvillo and the Alouettes. But it won’t be much of a book if I’m killed before I write the damned thing. So I’ll safely suck down some java and Mohamed can come to me for a change.

And finally…a personal appeal to Anthony Calvillo, on the very remote chance he’s ever unfortunate enough to read these words: Look AC. We’ve supported you and your family for over 20 years now. You gave us 5 Grey Cup loses out of 8 tries…so I figure we’re quits. Still…because you apparently never planned for life after your playing career, you’ve attached yourself to this team like a zombie leech, sucking it’s life’s blood until there’s very little, if anything left. Have you no honour, man? You destroyed McPherson’s career. Ditto for Cato. Have you even looked yourself in the mirror and questioned WTF you’re doing, here? Or is like my father used to say, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” You’re not a coach. Not even remotely. Mr. Athleticism, my love of the Alouettes predates you by several decades. Same for my father and his before him. Maybe you could kindly leave this team alone before you destroy it? Before it goes belly up for the 3rd and final count? We’ve already lost the Expos. Do you really hate us so much you don’t give a shit that we’ll lose the Alouettes as well? I have one word for you, sir. You and your pathetic 3/8 Grey Cup record: Boooooooooooo!

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