September 2016 – The Cure for Offensive E.D.

There may be some kind of “seasonal disorder” involved, but every once in a while, and seemingly for a few weeks at a time, football games’ commercial time is in part devoted to the vexed problem of “erectile dysfunction”.

But as yet, I’ve never seen or heard any commercial OR any other forum…making comparisons and parallels between the two. Let’s give it a try.

From the time when Turk Schonert was let go (and probably before) this offensive unit has been stuck in NEUTRAL. Kevin Glenn is a lifetime .500 quarterback. NOT that he hasn’t had bad seasons under bad offensive systems before. But the expectation going in, all things being equal, is when you play Kevin Glenn you’re going to basically win as many games as you lose.

So when Glenn’s record falls to .300 or so, one can’t help but wonder what other elements are dragging things down. And when the NEXT quarterback has essentially the SAME results…the issue begins to resolve itself:

So Popp was removed as Head Coach, and Calvillo becomes just another “eye in the sky”.

Cool…

Our defensive squad is the BEST in the CFL. I can say this, despite statistics that suggest otherwise, because of “synergy”, as the Ticats put it. If your offensive squad is so impoverished that your defence is on the field for 2/3 of the first half (as has happened on a number of occasions) you stand VERY little chance of winning.

The fact that this Als defence remains in the upper echelons of ALL the defensive statistics in this league is a testament to Noel Thorpe, and his merry band of marauders. The fact that the offence hasn’t been able to “get it up” in MOST of the 12 games this season ONLY makes that accomplishment more impressive.

While the title seems to suggest I have the cure for this offensive dysfunction…and while these pages are REPLETE with suggestions on exactly HOW to accomplish this miracle, let me say only THIS:

If Chapdelaine can manage to slip some Cialis into the Coolaid, cure this team of its TRULY offensive and terminal E.D., I can see the ENTIRE league waking up to a HUGE surprise from this GIANT…emerging from slumber :

They tell us the Gods are jealous. ANY attempt at human perfection needs must be GROUND back into the dust from whence it came. Lest WE challenge Olympus itself.

But a well oiled machine, it’s parts, EVERY nut and bolt, fulfilling its function, actualizing what was ONCE potential, and DOMINATING as a consequence…

…has EVERY right to thumb its nose at gossipy haters, floppy disks and jealous Gods alike.

And for those fans who get a hardon EVERY time they get excited…and let’s face it, in the last 2 seasons there hasn’t been MUCH to get excited about…the change will come as a welcomed RELIEF.

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